Monday, 9 November 2015

Why Mental Health Matters

Why Mental Health Matters

Your mental health is just as important as the hear, the lungs , the kidneys and the brain you need it to function as a human being.  I didn't realize it but when  I moved back home and my PC  broke on me I was devastated it was a big part of my life  but  it lead me to the biggest and best metaphor  for my own mental health.  I play a lot of games  in my free time  and all I have now is free time  but I didn't really play any games today  just until about an hour ago  I did an hours practice  on CS:GO  starting to do that every day  if I can so I have some sort of structure.  20th  of  June  my Mam helped me pack my  pc  and all my other stuff into the car drove me home and helped me move back in,  I set up my PC   as temporary set up and everything was fine for a few hours until  the screen just went black and the PC wouldn't turn back on again.  I spent hours tinkering away  trying to get it to turn back on  but nothing worked try and think about the PC  being me in this example. I did loads of research consulted  all my friends  we all work in IT and we came to the conclusion  that  it was a mother board  issue  if you're not tech savvy the motherboard is a circuit board in the PC that all the other components interface with similar to the brain in a way it needs to be working for the gpu to  work  and cpu similar to the heart and lungs  in the human body.

So when I got paid instantly  bought a new motherboard  figured  everything would work  after that , how wrong  I was. Pc still didn't work  so  got back talking to my friends told them  I fucked up  and we found out I had a faulty power supply so after months of waiting I got the money to replace the power supply thinking right it'll work  after I get this set up, I was wrong again   and this just really  made me angry  to  the point that the thing I was meant to be good at  I just couldn't do any more  so  I got talking with my friends again  and we thought  if it's not the GPU  and it's not  the PSU  it must  be  the  CPU  so guess what happened  I got a new CPU  and that wasn't the problem  either  and  I  love my  PC  so  hear  I am sat with a brand new  PC  that just wouldn't  work  and I got desperate and stuck my  old  GPU  you  in there   and it worked  it actually worked  and the pc powered up  it was usable   for a few weeks  until the  GPU  died think  of the old GPU  as my old self or your old  self , the  you that didn't have depression and the you when you experience true happiness. Putting  the old  GPU  in the  PC  breathed some life back into it  for a short time  and I guess that's  how I feel when I'm not on a low I feel like my old self and when  I'm on a low I can't even recall happiness.  

But yeah the old GPU  broke  and  I was left broken again the same as  my PC  until I called one of my closest  friends  Nick  and asked if I could borrow his old  GPU  for a little while  and he said yeah  and that it was no problem ,   stuck the GPU in the board powered it up  and that's how  I'm typing this right now. I  mean  his GPU  is a bit  old it's far from perfect  but in away  am exactly the same except the old part 22 isn't that old. The best thing is it works   and it's been reliable but  I couldn't have don that  without help from a friend  and I'm still working on my  PC to make it better  it's taking time  and energy  but  I'm doing the exact same thing with myself.   

If you've kept up and followed me through this entire metaphor you can see how a machine can just be systematically  disabled   just by having one part that doesn't work  and my PTSD  means I have one part that doesn't  work, but with the help and support  of my  friends  and family  I'm getting new parts and building myself  back up  until  I am who  I was before. Mental health  matters because is so  broad it's so  difficult  to trouble shoot and it can happen to anyone  it's not  like heart disease  or  cancer.  Eating healthy and quitting the tabs  won't relieve you of any  symptoms the only thing that can is the help and support of others. I hope  that one day this blog will be helpful to someone , people can learn from my mistakes my  pitfall  my stupid moments and my good moments  and amazing moments. Not everyone has  my friends   or my family or the support I've had  in the past so  it keeps me moving keeps me typing keeps  me  thinking.  




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