Strange Unfortunate Fortunate Circumstances
On this blog I write a lot about my personal experiences and that means good and bad however in the early hours of this morning something happened and it made an on going bad experience make sense and turned it into a really good experience. I'm hoping that through this post I can show you that although you're going through hell right now feeling hopeless and useless there may be a reason why that's good. This is very circumstantial in my case but I don't sleep very well or very much and when I do sleep I sleep too much I woke up at 5:00PM today I have no idea what time I fell asleep but I'm usually up till 4:00AM minimum. This has been going on for months sometimes to the extent that I've gone entire weeks without seeing the sunlight. It's not a good thing it means I'm not able to get a better job right now because I'm always asleep when the working hours start, and if I'm awake it's because I'm exhausted.
So around about 4:00AM I got a text off a friend who has type two bipolar disorder and recently she's been quiet struggling on her own and the text last night just confirmed she was in a bad way so I called her up immediately and we started talking. She told me that a lot of things had happened and she felt like she was the problem but she wasn't and this girls is one of the nicest girls I've ever met she's such a lovely person. She was on a low and I wanted to talk her around so I tried to make her laugh and sometimes it worked sometimes it didn't but I kept talking and I kept discussing how she felt with her and I had to tell her we all have slip ups, I've been in a slip up since June and I booked a doctors appointment this week. This girls tries really hard with her treatment she wants to get better but like all of us she had a slip up and it made her feel guilty and the guilt turned into anger, the anger turned into frustration so she texted me.
If I wasn't in my 5 month slip up of not seeking help I could have been really well and what scares me the most I could have been asleep when she sent that text. So I'm glad these past five months have been horrible sometimes okay and sometimes even really good. It means I can accept all those bad times needed to happen so I could be awake to receive that text last night so I could call her and try my best to make her feel better. I dread to think what would happen if I wasn't awake because I know what it's like to loose a battle with my own thoughts and there's always battles with your thoughts I'm always going to have them and I'll lose some , I'll win some but you don't want to lose the war. Right now I miss her and I hate that am stuck here with no money I just really wanted to give her a hug last night and I couldn't. I can't really describe how amazing she is and she's always been too nice for her own good it's upsetting to see how things have turned out for her because she doesn't deserve what's happening to her right now. I only wish I could be of more help , I'm not a doctor or a counsellor but I don't want her to suffer any more and I don't want her to be alone with that suffering either.
So I'm going to end this post with a Confucius quote, thanks for reading I hope I can make a difference to my friends life.