Wednesday, 11 November 2015

Strange Unfortunate Fortunate Circumstances

Strange  Unfortunate  Fortunate  Circumstances 

On this blog I write a lot about my  personal experiences and  that means good and bad however  in the early hours of this morning  something happened and it  made an on going bad experience make sense and turned it into a  really  good experience. I'm hoping that through this post   I can show you that although you're going through hell right now  feeling hopeless and useless  there  may be a reason why that's good. This is very circumstantial in my case but  I don't sleep very well  or very much and when  I do sleep  I sleep too much  I woke up at  5:00PM  today  I have no idea what  time I fell asleep  but I'm usually up till 4:00AM  minimum. This has been going on for months  sometimes to the extent that I've gone entire weeks  without seeing the sunlight. It's not a good thing it means  I'm not able to get a better job right now  because I'm always asleep when the working hours start, and if I'm awake it's because I'm exhausted.

So  around about 4:00AM  I got a text off a friend who has type two bipolar disorder and recently  she's been quiet struggling on her own  and  the text last  night  just confirmed she was in a bad way so I called her up immediately  and we started  talking. She told me  that a lot of things had happened and she felt like she was the problem  but she wasn't   and this girls  is one of the nicest girls I've ever met  she's such a lovely person. She was on a low  and I wanted to talk her around so I tried to make her laugh   and sometimes it worked   sometimes it didn't but I kept talking and  I kept discussing how she felt with her and I had to tell her we all have slip ups,  I've been in a slip  up since June  and I booked  a doctors appointment  this week.  This girls tries really hard with her treatment  she wants to get better  but like all of us she had a slip up  and it made her feel guilty  and the guilt turned into anger, the anger turned into frustration so she texted me.

If I wasn't in my 5 month slip  up of not seeking help  I could have been really well and what scares me the most  I could have been asleep  when she sent that text. So  I'm glad these past five months have been horrible sometimes okay   and sometimes even really good.  It means I can accept all those bad times needed to happen so  I could be awake to receive that text last night  so  I could call her and try my best to make her feel better. I dread to think what would happen if I wasn't awake   because  I know what it's like  to loose a battle with my own thoughts  and there's always battles with your thoughts  I'm always going to have them  and I'll lose some ,  I'll win some but you don't want to lose the war. Right now  I miss her  and I hate  that  am stuck here with no  money I just really wanted to give her a hug last night  and  I couldn't. I can't really describe how amazing she is  and she's always been too nice for her own good  it's upsetting to see  how things have turned out for her because she doesn't deserve what's happening to her right now. I only wish  I could be of more  help  , I'm not a doctor  or a counsellor  but I don't want her to suffer any more  and I don't want her to be alone with that suffering either.

So I'm going to end this post with a Confucius quote, thanks for reading I hope I can make a difference to my friends  life.
  

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